INSECURITY

I keep getting this uneasy feeling - what if the tide changes & i hav 2 work later on ? How will I b able 2 do that, on a later date? Why am i getting this insecure ? There is no specific reason for it - just that good times do not last - yes,these r good times 4 me- in a sense that is- i am lonely- my kid is big enough now- she needs me in some ways n is independent of me in some ways.so how do i fight this left out feeling ? i just manage home that is i hav a maid to do the utensils n mopping n another 1 to prepare chapatis ,i also help my kid with her home work.i do a little dusting,do the odd bank job n also other things which any housewife does.apart from all this,i find it indeed difficult to pass time. so blogging was a way out- of course it helps me 2 vent my frustration as also hone up my skills ( if this can b called that ).

The other day, a batchmate wrote n said that housewives r home makers n he respects them a lot - he made my day but still, i continue 2 feel insecure about not working as earlier.i do try 2 read the newspaper - i wud say that the daily newspaper is a complete entertainment !they hav 2 b - as they r competing with the idiot box ,isn't it ?

Well,returning to the earlier topic, i shared this with my mom n she opined that as time changes,u will b able 2 adjust but will i ? my husband will not listen 2 all this- he says he will never retire ! but if something was 2 happen ,then ?so i am thinking why can't i apply 4 a part time job ? but then in india part time jobs - i had tried earlier as well- r part time as regards 2 salary n full time as far as timings r concerned.so i hav 2 keep trying n mayb i may land something. actually, in India, working from home is not an option 4 the females who languish at homes after marriage n kids. i am sure, there r a million ladies who can make a wonderful contribution 2 all the numerous fields by working from home.is any company listening ? i hope so.

Padosan

I havE this padosan who keeps borrowing items like aloos,hari mirchi,kanda( marathi 4 onions ),adrak,et al.The iritability is about the time of the demand- it is when I am in a  tearing hurry- when I am readying my kid's dabba at 7 in the morning ! She is most impatient - expects me to  drop all my work when she walks in & cater to  her. To think of it - the kind of service she is getting from me, I doubt if she will get in any shop ! She also leaves her house keys with me but expects me tom  return the same before I  go out of town.Recently when Iwas going 2 pune ,I remembered that I had  to return her house keys otherwise,I   wouldud have to travel all the way from Pune just to return her house keys!

Yesterday, she came& borrowed potatoes &  as they were developing shoots,she had the audacity to drop the shoots in my house itself ! In the evening, she came in to  demand change for  a 100 rupee note - she just handed over the note to  my kid  through the slit in the safety door-I  was livid but managed to  gather all my &  warned her never to  take the money like that-suppose she had dropped it .It might get lost with my padosan having no patience &  I would have  to  give change as well as lose a 100 bucks  -maybe God alone knows how much.

I am sure u all hav similar stories about ur padosis but then we hav 2 live with them- as a cliched saying goes- all five fingers r not the same.moreover, padosis r the only 1s who will b the 1st 2 b with us in times of sorrow as also in happier times- they r the 1s with whom v can share the ups n downs of life before others even come 2 know about it.also ,i am sure even my actions wud hav irritated my padosis sometime r the other.so having padosis is an occupational hazard !

PRAYASCHIT

While in chennai,i saw a relative doing a puja on the rishi panchami day.she had placed an idol of lord krishna standing in a pose with one feet crossing the other with a flute in his hands & a cow at his back almost kneeling its face 2 the feet of the lord.she had covered an asan ( a mani in kannada n peeth in marathi) with a rangoli & placed the idol on that.she recited some shlokas n lighted a lamp.i asked what this was all about n she replied that this was like atonement for all the poojas done earlier by a woman when she would hav knowingly/unknowingly done acts for puja when she was out of doors .it is something like confession in christianity.this puja is 2 b done on rishi panchami day 4 5 years.n i believe this can b done by ladies when they r in menopause.i am sure various sects hav some r the other atonement procedures like this.but r they only 4 women ? does this mean that only a woman is impure when she does pujas - not all the times but sometimes ?r v all really pure in mind & r body when we set in obesience before the lord ? can v say 4 sure that v r ekchit - 1 mind before the almighty ?but 1 good thing about this is that there is an act - the act of poojas 2 atone- something like an appeal before the higher courts,if v hav been impure physically & mentally.as one of my friend says always " Every sinner has a future ,every saint has a past ".in other words,past actions need not fetter us- v can always b better n even god will allow n help us in our endevours.

Chennai visit

V left 4 chennai by jet airways courtsey my husband's booking at Dammam. If i had booked jet ,i wud b asked if i was unable 2 get a cheaper flight -so i asked him. he replied that he was unable 2 get thru any other site n so he got tickets booked vide an agent .anyway,only i n harini travelled from mumbai 2 chennai as my husband had flown from dammam 2 chennai on 2nd sept. v reached at nite having taken an evening flight.Jet gave us food - dinner -salad, roti,sabzi ,kaali dal ,rice,some sweet .
My husband was there 2 receive us at the V went 2 my eldest nand's place at Tambaram( it is a suburb of chennai ) .V were 2 stay there at her bunglow 4 performing the 1st death anniversary of my father in law.when v reached the house,all my husband's family members had not arrived.my jethani n jeth arrived a little later folloed by my mother in law ,my devrani n her kids.my husband's 2 younger brothers n the eldest sister whose bunglow we were all staying was already there.V went 2 sleep on mats n some pillows made by folding bedsheets.but chennai heat allows sleep even on bare floor.by 6in the morning,v were up except the as curent goes off from 6-8.v then took urns 2 bath in the 2 bathrooms.v were told 2 take head bath on all days leading 2 the death anniversary- this is all so as chennai thrives on orthodoxy which is very extreme.cooks arrived at 7 2 start cooking .priests arrived at 102 start the ceremony.kids were served somethings as breakfast. but elders were given oats ( only ladies)-sons were not as this is the custoim when any death anniversary is performed.v sat 4 lunch at around 12.30 - sambar,rasam,etc n 1 sweet was served.this was a regular feature on all the 4 days.

my youngest nanad who stays in uk had got a bridesmaid dress 4 harini which harini wore the moment it was handed 2 her alongwith the pink pearl necklace,bracelet et al.my nanad is also very orthodox even though has been in uk 4 the last 6-7 years. i continue 2 b amazed by her actions.she sits out of doors during the monthly menses n her husband who is an M.tech cooks during those days.her 2 sons r terribly naughty n she has her hands full. v went 2 c her off at the airport n were wondering as 2 how she will manage the flight- the eldest son is 6 yrs od while younger 1 is yet 2 b 3.but then she reached safe n sound - she called up 2 say that she had no problems n all was fine.

on the day after the death anniversary,v had a pavmaan homa ( yajnya -dedicated 2 hanuman).as per madhwa ( i am a madhwa brahmin)- before n after marriage)tradition,Sri narayana cannot b directly approached- only by praying 2 hanuman,v can approach narayana.the yajnya was for the whole family- but my youngest nanad had already left 4 london the earlier nite as she was unable 2 get her tickets resheduled.the yajyna went off very well.afterwards in the evening v were ready 2 leave 4 mumbai- i,harini n my husband.v took my mother-in-law's ashirwad( my husband asking her 2 give ashirvada of boundless wealth) . the jet flight was good- there was a tv screen n i enjoyed sarabhai v/s sarabhai sitcom n harini also watched on her screen some sitcom. my hubby just tried 2 sleep- he hates tv.v had a nice dinner n jet even had buttermilk as a welcome drink n it was real good.v reached home at 11 n went 2 bed.