Phatakas & lights on deepavali.

Deepavali is the festival of lights- lighting all around-in shops,on flats,buildings,in the streets,et al.As the fireworks display made dazzling signs in the amavasya sky,i was thinking,what about those who are always in dark ? those who are so poor that they cannot afford even a diya - the oil is of course impossible to pay for, except, perhaps, for their food.further,what about the kids who are toiling away in the sweatshops of SIVAKASI ,Tamil Nadu filling the combustible material in the fireworks so that we all can light the same ? actually,when we light up the phuljhadis,the anars,the rockets,etc it is money going up in smoke! it pollutes the atmosphere making many of us sick especially the asthmatics & others as well. this includes the animals & pray what about the green issues ?

I, for one, am petrified of phatakas except the snake - which is the major pollutant,i believe so.so on deepavali nights,i am always holed up at home.i am teased for my fear but i am like that only. i am afraid of getting burnt & staying alive after the burns in pain- the fear of pain perhaps more than the actual pain itself.

but can only my thinking bring about a change ? maybe, i am only an arm chair socialist who goes on & on about such issues,but apart from a meagre payment does nothing else.the payment is also done to wash away the sins accumulated over the years- also perhaps, to keep committing new trespasses as i can always pay for my way out of the morass, atleast to a certain extent, if not the whole way.

There is a tale about nehru -gandhi which relates to my arm chair activism- nehru's father motilal was unhappy, that, his son was taking keen interest in the independence movement.motilal felt, that jawahar was squandering away by not attending court thereby losing out on what wud hav been a great future at the bar.hence,he met gandhiji & requested him that his son b left out of all this & he wud pay a generous amount as a donation for the independence movement. gandhiji replied that he needed volunteers more than money for the struggle.i think, it is the same in this case- the NGOs need volunteers more than funds .i did try to volunteer but things hav not worked out .mayb ,i hav 2 try even harder.

Writing ?

I & my kid have come to pune to celebrate deepavali with my parents & my brother & his family.today we did laxmi puja as my bhabhi has been doing it earlier.so i recited the shlokas & my bhabhi performed the ritual as she does it every year by offering flowers,prasad ,aarti,etc.this was all disturbed by kids screaming that they wanted to go down to light crackers.actually,with them around every puja,even work is an exercise which tests our patience to the limit.

in the morning v all had lunch at the vardhendra swami mutt here as it was my grandma's shradh today.after that we returned home & saw the dvd of thoda pyar thoda magic.ok movie i wud say but very slow-that is why it flopped miserably.i finished an agatha christie novel which i had intended to read on my next visit but then it was too tempting to leave unread.so i was exhausted by the end of the day & intend to finish the book by JHUMPA LAHIRI ( UNACCUSTOMED EARTH) in a day or two.if i write a book,it is going to be an uphill task,looking at people who have written- a lot of research goes into everything that is written & i am unsure about wherein my research is going to come from.but first,i have to discipline myself to write a few lines on a daily basis without fail.

Indulgence ? !

2day appa gave us all a treat as he has got his arrears courtesy the pay commission. v went 2 a thali restuarant at Pune.it was a nice maharashtrian meal with 3 sweets- a fruit salad,shrikhand n jalebis.there were puris n chapatis n of course masala bhat-something like north indian pulao.it was very reasonably priced 2.v all indulged in the meal quite a bit- result is v r not feeling hungry even now at 9 in the nite.

i feel, that if, i keep indulging like this,WHERE WILL ALL THIS LEAD 2 ? am i doing this as i hav nothing better 2 do r i am living only 2 eat ? does everybody indulge like this ? i don't know my purpose in life- i hav read at so many places that god makes every person n gives him a purpose.now , where is mine r mayb i hav still not realised- that's becoz i am such a fool !i hope, god gives me hints 2 say, the least,even if, the purpose is staring me in the face.

INSECURITY

I keep getting this uneasy feeling - what if the tide changes & i hav 2 work later on ? How will I b able 2 do that, on a later date? Why am i getting this insecure ? There is no specific reason for it - just that good times do not last - yes,these r good times 4 me- in a sense that is- i am lonely- my kid is big enough now- she needs me in some ways n is independent of me in some ways.so how do i fight this left out feeling ? i just manage home that is i hav a maid to do the utensils n mopping n another 1 to prepare chapatis ,i also help my kid with her home work.i do a little dusting,do the odd bank job n also other things which any housewife does.apart from all this,i find it indeed difficult to pass time. so blogging was a way out- of course it helps me 2 vent my frustration as also hone up my skills ( if this can b called that ).

The other day, a batchmate wrote n said that housewives r home makers n he respects them a lot - he made my day but still, i continue 2 feel insecure about not working as earlier.i do try 2 read the newspaper - i wud say that the daily newspaper is a complete entertainment !they hav 2 b - as they r competing with the idiot box ,isn't it ?

Well,returning to the earlier topic, i shared this with my mom n she opined that as time changes,u will b able 2 adjust but will i ? my husband will not listen 2 all this- he says he will never retire ! but if something was 2 happen ,then ?so i am thinking why can't i apply 4 a part time job ? but then in india part time jobs - i had tried earlier as well- r part time as regards 2 salary n full time as far as timings r concerned.so i hav 2 keep trying n mayb i may land something. actually, in India, working from home is not an option 4 the females who languish at homes after marriage n kids. i am sure, there r a million ladies who can make a wonderful contribution 2 all the numerous fields by working from home.is any company listening ? i hope so.