Doubt.

2day,I went 2 an NGO 4 an interview as i hav volunteered 4 the TEACH INDIA initiative by The Times of India.I was able 2 leave home after i had completed a major part of my cooking.the bai who makes chapatis did not turn up 2day as well.

I prepared tea 4 the maidservants ( mom n daughter duo) who do my vessels, jhadu n pocha.then i said a short prayer n was off . i took a rick as it was already 10.30 n the place was half an hour after i board the train. i validated my coupon n waited 4 the train. waiting 4 the rain made me feel guilty of wasting money on the rick as the train took such a long time 2 arrive that i cud hav walked the way.

The train was crowded but i was able 2 board it. after a few stops before i was halfway, i got a seat.I opened my prayer books n started reading - more 2 keep myself occupied rather than pray.i got down at my destination n had 2 ask 4 directions more than 4 times before i finally made it.

I was made 2 fill up some form n then i was given a page dealing with the rules of the NGO ( the expectations from a volunteer).then 1 lady called me in her chamber- all glass- she was operating a pc n she was unlike a jhola wali( no khadi - no indian clothes)- she was in jeans n tees n her hair was curly rather unruly.she enquired as 2 why i wanted 2 volunteer- i answered- that i wanted 2 make a difference. she kept on feeding her pc with the info.i possibly cudn't hav said that i was bored so i wanted 2 try this out.she said that she will call me next week 4 an induction programme.i brought a rule book of the ngo- an HRD manual.then i left after asking 4 directions 2 go bak 2 the station. i was shown a shortcut. when i use such shortcuts ,i ponder r there shortcuts in life. some seem 2 b using shortcuts in life as well.

i reached the station and got a return ticket. i also got a coupon book n waited 4 the train. i boareded the train n started flipping the pages of the manual.as i did this- i came 2 know that no child- (this ngo works with underprivileged kids) shud b subject 2 any abuse- physical,mental ,emotional,etc. i began 2 wonder- if i am really suitable 4 such a kind of work- even volunteering- i feel i am forever screaming at my kid- abusing her mentally n emotionally - rarely physically.2day also, her actions,attitude made me miserable n i abused her but not physically. so will i really b able 2 take up this ? i am doubtful.very doubtful indeed.