A first period tale : #PeriodPride

I had always seen my mother sit in a corner three days of every month. I had been told always that she was unwell those three days. She would be handed a plate, a set of change of clothes, and she would be assigned a bathroom for her use. She would not take bath for three days. I did not like this separation from my mother as she could not touch me and my brother on those days. In fact, she was untouchable those three days.

I had no clue, as to why , my mom got unwell three days each month. Neither did my school or my friends or my senior schoolmates help me with this query. Perhaps,I was too busy otherwise, to keep wondering and seeking answers to this three day problem.

This went on, till I reached eighth grade. One day, I got up in the morning. I went to toilet and discovered to the horror of my horrors that I had bled in my panty. I panicked. Then, I calmed down as I did not feel any pain. Must be just a small injury, I thought. I just changed and went on with my morning routine.

After some time, I went to take bath. Again, I discovered that there was blood staining my lingerie. I felt no discomfort whatsoever. Moreover,I was getting late for school. I took bath, changed into a fresh panty. Then I wore my uniform and started to get my bag packed. I called out to my mom for giving me breakfast. She called out to me, “Come here.” I was irritated. I went anyway.

She told me “You have grown up. Please wear this in your panty.” She handed me a folded piece of cloth. I was unable to understand anything. I asked , “Why? ” 

“You have started menstruating. You please wear this. You are going to bleed more. And unless you wear this cloth in your panty, there could be stains on your dress. Take these safety pins and tuck this inside the panty,” she ordered.

She asked me if I wanted to go to school. I thought, she has told me I am going to bleed again. And I have to wear this cloth. Better to stay at home. I said, “No, I will not go to school.” I asked her why was I bleeding and my mom simply said, “You will learn in school.”

My grandma took over after she got up. She had been sleeping in the morning as she was not keeping well. She told me that I will have to sit in a corner just like my mom would sit whenever she was unwell. That meant that mom bled every month and that too three days. I told grandma that I did feel okay and yet, she did not agree. She was one adamant woman.

I had to give in. My mom had no voice. This I had observed since I had been small. Grandma would have her way. I was upset. I cried. I couldn’t understand why I had to sit apart from others, eat apart from others, and many more things. I had to change the cloth many times in a day. I was to sleep in the corner on a blanket on the floor. I had to wash the stained clothes also. It was decided that I would miss school for three days while I bled. From the fourth day onward, I would attend school.

The next day, my classmate came home to ask, why I skipped school. She saw me in the corner. She had come of age before me, I guessed that day. Perhaps she guessed my condition. Perhaps, because, in her home, I don’t think, they were orthodox like my home. So, she might not have been segregated. She had elder sisters. So she must have realised this, before she came of age. She left some time later. We did not talk much as I was quite ashamed of being segregated. She understood and left.

The second day, my neighbor came home for dinner. I slept, or rather pretended to sleep. I told my parents that they need not be told about my coming of age. The neighbors came and wondered why I had slept so early. Thankfully, they did not venture into the bedroom.

The three days of torture were over. I was told to take head bath on the fourth day early in the morning. And then I was allowed all activities just like any day. My separation had ended.

The same day, one of our family friends visited us. Ajji & amma told the aunty about me. She was from our community, and was held in high regard at home. She was informed that I had grown up. Ajji said that I was told to keep apart from the family on the three crucial days I was bleeding.

The aunty reasoned with my grandma. She told her that nowadays nobody goes by such orthodox traditions & customs. Moreover, such segregation may have a very bad effect on the teenage girl, that is myself. Aunty told my Ajji that I cannot keep missing school three days each month in such higher grade which will be rising year by year.

After this talk, my Ajji was a changed woman. No, she didn’t get liberal overnight. She must have reasoned that I was the only female grandchild. She wanted me to grow up into a responsible adult. The aunt’s persuasive skills had won over Ajji.

Next time, I got my periods, I was not made to stay apart. I was just treated normally. Of course, I was not allowed to worship or pray openly. I say openly because, in our subconscious mind, we can do anything. There are no fences there.

I have never understood till today how my grandma agreed to what our family friend told her about not segregating me. She was adamant and orthodox to the core. Yes, she would bend rules when she felt it was not justifiable. Maybe she felt, I would be singled out in school and in the colony where we resided. We stayed in North India in a cosmopolitan set up where people from all over India resided. I am from the ultra-orthodox Madhwa Brahmin community.

Whatever the reason, my Ajji broke her rules or rather rules of her caste for the sake of her only granddaughter, that is me. That makes her a feminist, isn’t it? And that aunt, who convinced my ajji, a proactive feminist !

“This blogathon is supported by the Maya App, used by 6.5 million women worldwide to take charge of their periods and health.”

Intoleranace & tolerance

This post was published on Counter Currents on 2nd December,2015

The dictionary meaning of Intolerance  is unwillingness to accept views, beliefs, or behaviour that differ from one's own.Other words which convey the same meaning as intolerance are bigotry, dogmatism,fanaticism,narrow mindedness, small mindedness, etc.

The media is rife with intolerance of various people towards each other.Authors, artists returning awards in protest of intolerance & others intolerant towards those who return awards & speak their minds out.Vegetarians intolerant of  non vegetarians, artists intolerant of non artists, government intolerant of public , police intolerant of accused ( not criminals ,mind you ),& so on.The reverse is also true...there are religious bigots, atheist bigots, vegan bigots, & of course the government bigots...perhaps the worst of the lot, as they wield a lot of power, with which, they flay all.

And amidst all this , a news item " Sabarimala board wants machine that scans menstruating women." was lost in all this cacophony of bigotry.And to think of it, that in this country of ours, men have made the whole society intolerant of women. And not one celebrity , political party nor member protests. Because , in such a country which thrives on patriarchy  ,such small  talk  insulting females is the norm .And of course, when were women respected anyway .So why bother ? 

And many have been telling that we are a very tolerant society & nation.I agree ...women in this nation have been very tolerant.Intolerance is the inherent ,inborn ,trait of men .Nearly half the population ( this is being so optimistic, despite the fact, that the sex ratio is screwed against females ) is tolerant & has been tolerant of the intolerent male population. Men are intolerant of an equal female population .That's how & why , systemic killing of the girl foetuses began 

Since ancient times, women have been discriminated against.And as time passed , newer & horrendous concepts were adopted to subjugate women.Widows were frowned upon & women were told to commit sati.  Widowers could marry & no man ever burnt on the funeral pyre of his wife even if, his many wives died . he was always married off to younger women, one after the other.Polygamy was the norm.Girls & women were forbidden from going to school .Slowly but surely, things changed because women along with certain few men got intolerant of the plight of women .Women have come a long way since those times & yet some conditions remain unchanged .Some factors in fact, have worsened as time went by.

Hence, nowadays, there are problems of female foeticide, stalking , molestation ,rapes,dowry killing ,domestic violence etal.And as if these are not enough to stress women & girls, religious institutions discriminate against females all the more.

Sabarimala temple upped the ante against women when it said that it will allow women to enter the temple once it installs a machine which will screen menstruating women ! This is not an isolated instance.In almost all places of worship, mensurating females are disallowed entry.This applies even to those places , wherein the presiding diety is a Goddess ! What an irony ! It is said, that when a woman or girl is menstruating ,she is impure. And yet , we visit temples to purify our minds .In other words, is impurity of a female / s so large that it overwhelms the purity of the Almighty  ? If yes, then why is God called Almighty ? Even in homes, menstruating women & girls are disallowed near the place of worship .In other words, when women gets pregnant ,she is pure as she stops bleeding.Hence, women need to be perpetually pregnant to maintain purity when they are in menstruating age.Before & after that age , they need not get pregnant to remain pure. This would add to the bludgeoning population of our Bharat.Is the Government listening in, to all this rabid talk about impurity & purity talk by religious heads ? 

Men have made these rules  that menstruating females be disallowed in temples to shame women.Because ,this is one of the ways, men can try to get even with women who are far ,far superior to men in all aspects. This is so very evident now, that women are scaling new heights & breaking the glass ceilings in all fields.

The Indian patriarchal society   is intolerant of menstruating women & yet, tolerant of sexual trafficking of women & girls ( some are as young as 8-10 years ). Devdasis have been a regular feature of many temples in India wherein the virginity of the girls forced into becoming a devdaasi was played around by the male management of the temple.And did the "PURE " men refrain from sex when the devdaasi women were "IMPURE " ? The answer is obvious .In fact ,devdaasi is  always 'Pure " because she is abused by men who are PURE.In fact , men would have us believe, that they impart purity to ( impure women since  all women bleed & are hence impure )  women by having sex with women as purity is  transmittable from men to women ! In fact , this is what men are upto, when they rape ! 

It is time, women become intolerant to all & any forms of abuse .#HappyToBleed is the response to the Sabarimala dictat. On 25th of November, 2015, India Gate was lit up in Orange colour to celebrate the International Day of Elimination of Violence against women.We as women, need to get increasingly intolerant of patriarchal attitudes of men & society in general.And men, will have to get increasingly tolerant .Only then , will our India  become  an equitable world.