Kuup Manduuk

I am blogging today about the frog in the well syndrome.Yes, that is what the title means.A frog believes that the well is the only world as it resides there.It has no idea whatsoever of anything that lies outside the well.

There are quite a few persons who do not feel the need to interact socially.This leads to varying situations.Some get jittery when & if they attend a social function like a wedding,a get together etal.Others may try small talk but realise that they are not updated about anybody there & so withdraw.Moreover,they are unable to make anybody agree to their point of view on any topic.Some also keep to themselves as they would like to believe that they are the best & know everything.Still others refuse to interact except with  their own kith & kin & maybe from their own caste etal .This is because they are under an impression that their caste or sect is the chosen one & interacting with lesser mortals is below their dignity.

Yes,in these times also,there are such people -existing & very real ! But they will be overtaken at all places if they do not acquire socail skills.They will end up depressed even if they are rolling in money.If a person is highly skilled at his job but a zero at social newtworking,then for some time ,his skills may manage to keep all others quiet but later,all will joke about the lack of his emotional quotient.

I have observed that brahmins are particularly prone to this social insensitivity.I can speak for brahmins as I am one of  them. It is said that change has to come from within, instead of being imposed from outside.

Many brahmins though very ahead in many fields refuse to leave behind their caste affiliations.They carry it around as a medallion.They will shun all others however talented the others may be.Moreover,they have this superiority complex  erroneously carried forward from the ancient texts.The fact, that God took various births in different castes ( the Dashvatar)  has not yet percolated  down to their senses.As a Hindi film song goes,"Is lok ko hi apna na sake,us lok mein bhi pchataoge..." meaning "unable  to adapt to this world,you will repent in the next world as well..."

Some places also seem to encourage such orthodoxy & casteism .I feel that in Chennai, all brahmins try to outdo each other in orthodoxy.As to their actual faith in all that they do is quite questionable,at least at  pretention,the Chennai brahmins are immensly adept.

My relatives who stay in Chennai are a living proof of all that I have said.They want their food prepared in the Chennai way- haldi added to cabbage bhaji is a big No.They will just not eat it.They can only eat one sweet-that is payasam ( kheer) Anything else like gajar halwa has them in fits ! They relish beans,cabbage,bhindi,white pumpkin,aloos,etal but all cooked in the manner it is cooked there.Any thing prepared innovatively & in a different way means that they will just leave it on their plates-all wasted.They detest cauiliflower,drumsticks,onions,garlic etc.Even red pumkin was left untouched as it is gassy ! I do read a lot on health & foods but I have yet to come across this bit of  ( mis)information .My nephew is forbidden to eat onions as it will make his tongue thick & be an impediment in reciting shlokas.Just goes to show that for their version of dharma,they are committing gross adharma .Telling lies is an adharma -oniuons provide minerals.Telling such lies to wean a child away from a vegetable will have greater ramifications.The child will learn later that it was a lie & then may refuse to believe even other real truths .It will ultimately lead to rebellion which may flabbergast all .

My niece has  got so used to the sholkas being recited by her brother at Sandhyavandanam,that she  also recites them at times.Her brother chides her,"You should not be reciting."I scolded my nephew & informed him,"Look,there is nothing like girls cannot recite-in early days in ancient India,even girls had thread ceremonies performed for them.Later,some male chauvinists forbid such practice & this continued."Of course,he is skeptical about my remarks but atleast,he will think about it.It is very difficult to extricate him from all lies he has been fed about, male  brahmin superiority .

My niece wants to cut a birthday cake on her birthday like all kids of her age.But this is disallowed, though her cousins ( boys ) cut cakes .The reason,"It is not in our culture to cut cakes & blow out candles."Her father has offered to prepare mysore pak which she can cut like a cake ! Though,I find the idea quite ridiculous,I am pained that even a simple wish of a child is unfulfilled as her dad & uncles want to be the vanguard of culture.Culture ,as per their understanding is singing shlokas,bhajans,satsang etal-it does not include any books other than scriptures,& school textbooks,no drawing ,no dance,no drama,no music, except in praise of God,no films,etc.So which culture or whose culture is sought to be protected is unclear to me.I am  very much be in favour of Culture being unprotected rather be protected by such narrow minds.Culture is a very dyanamic entity-it has to progress imbibing modern thinking & values.If it remains stagnant,it shackles us all.But the same fellows gamble their hard earned money by investing in shares. Does this gamble figure in their  brand of culture? Maybe it does-akin to Pandavas who gambled  away their dear wife who was  then  rescued by Krishna,the Yadava.  So much for protection & preservation of tradition !

The thread ceremony of males is actually a masquerade to showcase male chauvinism.A male who wears the sacred thread will not eat leftover food.In these days of high food prices,the women of the house will eat all leftovers as men post thread ceremony will not eat them.I chided my nephew & told him that as he was wearing the sacred thread,it meant that he was man now.Hence,he should quit calling his mom every now & then for toothpaste,soap,socks,uniform,books,school bag,so & so forth.But then,I recalled that all males in boyhood scream for their moms to dance  attendance  on them & after marriage,the mom's job is taken over  by their wives.After all,it is a question of male convenience & comfort,nothing else -with or without the sacred thread .

One more thing -all this orthodoxy needs a lot of water for practicing it.On second thoughts,the water crisis in Chennai is brahmin made ! They should think of switching  to  the hand sanitiser as water levels are dwindling more than ever before now.

My nephew & neices are all fearful of everything-even a simple task like locking the toilet door scares them .This is because they have been indoctrinated to dread  the wrath of the Almighty if they ate onions,cut a cake,saw films,visited any place other a pilgrim centre etc.Obviously,the mind is conditioned by fear to do things which otherwise,would be questioned.I dread to  imagine how all this will shape up as they grow up & search for jobs or choose a profession.They would like to stay with their parents only as they have fear of moving out of Chennai.So,they may lose better oppurtunities .Even marriage may become a burden as a wife is only meant to be an  unpaid servant.Clinging to such forsaken ideas will continue to make them remain the frog in the well.

Coming to think of it,girls are not kuup manduuks as they generally leave their homes at marraige to go & stay with husbands,inlaws etal.So the men are the kuup manduuks.

I have heard that Trichy ,Comibatore are ways ahead of Chennai in terms of being bound by tradition .I have yet to confirm that.I will have to look for a more satirical title for that .Any ideas ?

Dhobin( washerwoman).

I loathe all housework with some exceptions like drying the clothes.

This is one task which I find to be very relaxing.I am very particular about the manner in which clothes must be hanged so that they dry faster & better.Even in those days, before, I got my washing machine,I would dislike the way our servant maid hung the clothes to dry -all dripping water as if there was a shower which had been left running.Also,she would overlap the clothes so much so that I felt that I re hang the clothes for drying.

I had to dry the clothes by using a bamboo stick to overhaul the clothes up the wires which were fixed in the passage at the top near the roof.The heavier ones had to hung by standing up on a stool & then repeating the process.Initially,I would leave the drying of sarees to my mother but my aunt's challenge hurt my ego so much so that I learnt to fold a wet saree & hang that also up on the drying line by means of a bamboo stick.

In the house wherein,I presently reside,I hang some clothes in the window on the aluminum pipes which have been specially installed for the purpose.Here also,I, use a very systematic pattern to do this job.I hang the light colored clothes as the first line facing the outer side of the windows & towards the inner side,I hang the dark colored clothes.Alternatively,the smaller clothes are hung on the outside line & larger ones on the inside line.The remaining clothes after all this are hung in the passage up on the aluminum rods.I have now become so much of an expert at hanging clothes by hauling them up that I can hang even the smallest of the clothes by taking it on a stick & dry it up on a rod just next to the roof.

Actually,the hanged clothes at the window make superb curtains.So also,the gentle breeze flowing through the windows & the wet clothes has a cooling effect.In fact at one of my friend's place,clothes similarly hung in the balcony would lead to the air conditioning effect but of course, till the clothes were wet !

Even when I am visiting relatives,this is one work which I will gladly take up & complete to my satisfaction which is what matters to me most, as I am a perfectionist, when it comes to this ritual.At my in-laws home wherein,I avoid venturing into doing any household work due to orthodoxy,I am willing & ready to hang out wet clothes to dry & also fold the dried clothes.They are delighted to learn that there is at least one task which I do uncomplainingly.Other than that, they still wonder, as to how, their poor son puts up with a woman like me who cannot even pretend to help around with any work around the house.

Whenever,I go travelling & book a room ,I am very specific that the room should have a place to hang washed clothes to dry.Yes,it has become an obsession with me.Even now,as I am searching for a flat,I keep looking for places wherein I will hang clothes to dry.

I also keep folding the dried clothes umpteen times in the course of the day one by one as soon as they are dried.My mom says that I dry the clothes as if I am drying papads ! She also suspects , that I was a dhobin in my last janam.My brother jokes that I am a dhobin now also, as he opines , that I am forever folding the dried clothes or hanging wet clothes out to dry.