Motherhood is all about doting on one's kid.Or is it ?I have no clue or maybe I would rather have my own take on that.
I scream at my kid for leaving the room in a mess which is almost daily sorry on an hourly basis except when she is at school or asleep.I threaten to run away from all this chaos which is her doing.My parents have been trying to talk me into being more gentle & considerate but I am not able to do that.I wonder why .
One reason could be that I resent just being at home having given up my job & feel that my kid should not be the epicentre of my drab existence.Another could be that I feel that people will chide me & say,"Look,this lady is at home & still the house is always in such a sorry state.Wonder, what the woman is doing throughout the day !"Another cause is that I feel that my hubby escapes from all responsibility & I end up doing all the tedious tasks.
So ,in the end,all my anger & disgust ends up like this- shouting at my kid for being irresponsible & lazy.I often end up giving her a piece of my mind & sometimes she breaks down.I rarely feel guilty but when I do feel,I seldom express it openly.Moreover,I suspect my kid being more of an expert at coercing me & so I let matters rest before I make my next move.
But in spite of all this,I am the one who has refused to send her on tutions against my hubby's wishes as I feel she is too young for that & also I opine that I can also teach her at least till she grows up a little more.I treat her to movies each time her terminal exams are over-this also against my better half's express instructions.I also try to buy new snacks whenever I come across in the market as I hope against hope that a fussy eater like her may find some snack tasty!I also used to tell her bedtime stories till very recently but not now as she seems to fall asleep now as soon as she hits the bed.I also go very easy on her studies as I feel that she should have some fun now as later there will be no choice but studies.
Do I only feel resentful of having to look after my own kid or all moms do ? Or maybe they only deserve to be called moms as they are all forgiving of the antics of the kids? Does no other mother feel the way I feel atleast once if not as many times as me ?I feel I am terribly exhausted at the end of the day especially because of having to keep instructing to do a particular task in a specific way & that too repeating it on an hourly basis.
But maybe,I am also too blame partly-perhps my kid does all this to seek attention as she sees her mom too occupied with housework ,gossiping with friends,having a nap or just idling away.But I do feel that I should also have some time to do what destresses me -so am I guilty ? I think so -I am sure,my hubby has told me to cool down & talk in a calm voice to the kid.But then,it is so very easy to preach than practice.
My daughter will understand me better as she grows up to be a woman.Even now,as she hugs me & sleeps I know,she has accepted me with my flaws & forgiven me for the day .
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Dhobin( washerwoman).
I loathe all housework with some exceptions like drying the clothes.
This is one task which I find to be very relaxing.I am very particular about the manner in which clothes must be hanged so that they dry faster & better.Even in those days, before, I got my washing machine,I would dislike the way our servant maid hung the clothes to dry -all dripping water as if there was a shower which had been left running.Also,she would overlap the clothes so much so that I felt that I re hang the clothes for drying.
I had to dry the clothes by using a bamboo stick to overhaul the clothes up the wires which were fixed in the passage at the top near the roof.The heavier ones had to hung by standing up on a stool & then repeating the process.Initially,I would leave the drying of sarees to my mother but my aunt's challenge hurt my ego so much so that I learnt to fold a wet saree & hang that also up on the drying line by means of a bamboo stick.
In the house wherein,I presently reside,I hang some clothes in the window on the aluminum pipes which have been specially installed for the purpose.Here also,I, use a very systematic pattern to do this job.I hang the light colored clothes as the first line facing the outer side of the windows & towards the inner side,I hang the dark colored clothes.Alternatively,the smaller clothes are hung on the outside line & larger ones on the inside line.The remaining clothes after all this are hung in the passage up on the aluminum rods.I have now become so much of an expert at hanging clothes by hauling them up that I can hang even the smallest of the clothes by taking it on a stick & dry it up on a rod just next to the roof.
Actually,the hanged clothes at the window make superb curtains.So also,the gentle breeze flowing through the windows & the wet clothes has a cooling effect.In fact at one of my friend's place,clothes similarly hung in the balcony would lead to the air conditioning effect but of course, till the clothes were wet !
Even when I am visiting relatives,this is one work which I will gladly take up & complete to my satisfaction which is what matters to me most, as I am a perfectionist, when it comes to this ritual.At my in-laws home wherein,I avoid venturing into doing any household work due to orthodoxy,I am willing & ready to hang out wet clothes to dry & also fold the dried clothes.They are delighted to learn that there is at least one task which I do uncomplainingly.Other than that, they still wonder, as to how, their poor son puts up with a woman like me who cannot even pretend to help around with any work around the house.
Whenever,I go travelling & book a room ,I am very specific that the room should have a place to hang washed clothes to dry.Yes,it has become an obsession with me.Even now,as I am searching for a flat,I keep looking for places wherein I will hang clothes to dry.
I also keep folding the dried clothes umpteen times in the course of the day one by one as soon as they are dried.My mom says that I dry the clothes as if I am drying papads ! She also suspects , that I was a dhobin in my last janam.My brother jokes that I am a dhobin now also, as he opines , that I am forever folding the dried clothes or hanging wet clothes out to dry.
This is one task which I find to be very relaxing.I am very particular about the manner in which clothes must be hanged so that they dry faster & better.Even in those days, before, I got my washing machine,I would dislike the way our servant maid hung the clothes to dry -all dripping water as if there was a shower which had been left running.Also,she would overlap the clothes so much so that I felt that I re hang the clothes for drying.
I had to dry the clothes by using a bamboo stick to overhaul the clothes up the wires which were fixed in the passage at the top near the roof.The heavier ones had to hung by standing up on a stool & then repeating the process.Initially,I would leave the drying of sarees to my mother but my aunt's challenge hurt my ego so much so that I learnt to fold a wet saree & hang that also up on the drying line by means of a bamboo stick.
In the house wherein,I presently reside,I hang some clothes in the window on the aluminum pipes which have been specially installed for the purpose.Here also,I, use a very systematic pattern to do this job.I hang the light colored clothes as the first line facing the outer side of the windows & towards the inner side,I hang the dark colored clothes.Alternatively,the smaller clothes are hung on the outside line & larger ones on the inside line.The remaining clothes after all this are hung in the passage up on the aluminum rods.I have now become so much of an expert at hanging clothes by hauling them up that I can hang even the smallest of the clothes by taking it on a stick & dry it up on a rod just next to the roof.
Actually,the hanged clothes at the window make superb curtains.So also,the gentle breeze flowing through the windows & the wet clothes has a cooling effect.In fact at one of my friend's place,clothes similarly hung in the balcony would lead to the air conditioning effect but of course, till the clothes were wet !
Even when I am visiting relatives,this is one work which I will gladly take up & complete to my satisfaction which is what matters to me most, as I am a perfectionist, when it comes to this ritual.At my in-laws home wherein,I avoid venturing into doing any household work due to orthodoxy,I am willing & ready to hang out wet clothes to dry & also fold the dried clothes.They are delighted to learn that there is at least one task which I do uncomplainingly.Other than that, they still wonder, as to how, their poor son puts up with a woman like me who cannot even pretend to help around with any work around the house.
Whenever,I go travelling & book a room ,I am very specific that the room should have a place to hang washed clothes to dry.Yes,it has become an obsession with me.Even now,as I am searching for a flat,I keep looking for places wherein I will hang clothes to dry.
I also keep folding the dried clothes umpteen times in the course of the day one by one as soon as they are dried.My mom says that I dry the clothes as if I am drying papads ! She also suspects , that I was a dhobin in my last janam.My brother jokes that I am a dhobin now also, as he opines , that I am forever folding the dried clothes or hanging wet clothes out to dry.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The pyramid effect.
We tend to pray usually with flowers,fruits,diyas etc.Especially,in case there is a festival ,there are flowers & fruits to be got for paying annual obeisance to the Almighty.This is more true for flowers as they end up adorning the Lord whereas fruits are devoured by us mortals as prasad after being offered to the deity.
But whenever,I have got flowers from the market,I often wonder about the flower vendors.It is they, who buy the flowers in the main market,cut the stems,separate the good ones from the worn out & also maybe string them into garlands.It is then, that we buy from them.I am sure, that when we pray, by offering flowers ,fruits,diyas,the wicks et al,a part of our prayer is granted away by the Almighty to the flower vendor,another part to the fruit vendor,still another part to that seller of diyas & vatis & so on & so forth.Only then, is it fair distribution .This is so, because, the fruit fellow has got the fruits,the flower vendor has got the flowers & the list goes on.Our prayers would not have the same sanctity without the colorful paraphernalia.Also,without the help & assistance of the said persons,our puja would remain incomplete.We are in an age wherein we are all dependent on a each other or rather we are incomplete without the others.It takes a team effort to do a task as simple as a puja.Of course,in addition, if we have a purohit chanting the shlokas,then obviously a part of the boon is given away to the priest.
All this distribution is like a pyramid .At the base are all the people -the vendors of flowers,fruits,the priests,& we ,who are praying with all the accompaniments of flowers,fruits,sweets, oil & ghee lamps,et al.As our prayers travel up the pyramid they all converge in the tip of the pyramid,at the feet of the Lord.In all this praying,everyone has contributed something -howsoever little it is, by money or labour or both.
The Almighty bestows his blessings & they in turn, travel downwards towards the bottom of the pyramid.As the aashirvad reaches the base,it gets shared amongst all -us,the purohit & the vendors .The blessings unless fairly distributed would be unjustified ,isn't it ? Likewise,the treatment for our countless errors.If there are people along with us who participated in our errors,they also get the flak from above.If this was not so,many of us would be worse off by now having sinned persistently & continuously.
I remember, that, one of my old neighbors who was very close to me would pick up tens of parijata flowers daily & give them to me asking me to offer them to Goddess Lakshmi.I would do as requested.At times, I would arrange the parijata flowers to make a rangoli of flowers & at other times,I would string the parijatas together & make a garland for the Goddess of Wealth.I believed, then also, that nearly half of the effort put in my form of prayer to Lakshmi was due to the flowers so lovingly collected by my neighbour.But there was a downside to this act of hers-she used to steal the flowers from another neighbour's garden ! So in conclusion,if she shared in the fruits of my prayers,I in turn, shared in her act of theft.
I often used to ponder about my prayers being unanswered - now,I feel , I know the reason.The complete fruits of my prayer have not been granted to me as enroute,the flower ,fruit vendor also had to be given their rightful shares.I guess to have my prayers answered fully,I just have to pray many more times than before.But I am happy about one thing- the sharing effect will be effective in the case of sins as well.That is why ,though I have lost count of my sins,I have not been banished as yet.All thanks to the pyramid effect !
But whenever,I have got flowers from the market,I often wonder about the flower vendors.It is they, who buy the flowers in the main market,cut the stems,separate the good ones from the worn out & also maybe string them into garlands.It is then, that we buy from them.I am sure, that when we pray, by offering flowers ,fruits,diyas,the wicks et al,a part of our prayer is granted away by the Almighty to the flower vendor,another part to the fruit vendor,still another part to that seller of diyas & vatis & so on & so forth.Only then, is it fair distribution .This is so, because, the fruit fellow has got the fruits,the flower vendor has got the flowers & the list goes on.Our prayers would not have the same sanctity without the colorful paraphernalia.Also,without the help & assistance of the said persons,our puja would remain incomplete.We are in an age wherein we are all dependent on a each other or rather we are incomplete without the others.It takes a team effort to do a task as simple as a puja.Of course,in addition, if we have a purohit chanting the shlokas,then obviously a part of the boon is given away to the priest.
All this distribution is like a pyramid .At the base are all the people -the vendors of flowers,fruits,the priests,& we ,who are praying with all the accompaniments of flowers,fruits,sweets, oil & ghee lamps,et al.As our prayers travel up the pyramid they all converge in the tip of the pyramid,at the feet of the Lord.In all this praying,everyone has contributed something -howsoever little it is, by money or labour or both.
The Almighty bestows his blessings & they in turn, travel downwards towards the bottom of the pyramid.As the aashirvad reaches the base,it gets shared amongst all -us,the purohit & the vendors .The blessings unless fairly distributed would be unjustified ,isn't it ? Likewise,the treatment for our countless errors.If there are people along with us who participated in our errors,they also get the flak from above.If this was not so,many of us would be worse off by now having sinned persistently & continuously.
I remember, that, one of my old neighbors who was very close to me would pick up tens of parijata flowers daily & give them to me asking me to offer them to Goddess Lakshmi.I would do as requested.At times, I would arrange the parijata flowers to make a rangoli of flowers & at other times,I would string the parijatas together & make a garland for the Goddess of Wealth.I believed, then also, that nearly half of the effort put in my form of prayer to Lakshmi was due to the flowers so lovingly collected by my neighbour.But there was a downside to this act of hers-she used to steal the flowers from another neighbour's garden ! So in conclusion,if she shared in the fruits of my prayers,I in turn, shared in her act of theft.
I often used to ponder about my prayers being unanswered - now,I feel , I know the reason.The complete fruits of my prayer have not been granted to me as enroute,the flower ,fruit vendor also had to be given their rightful shares.I guess to have my prayers answered fully,I just have to pray many more times than before.But I am happy about one thing- the sharing effect will be effective in the case of sins as well.That is why ,though I have lost count of my sins,I have not been banished as yet.All thanks to the pyramid effect !
Saturday, August 1, 2009
An ode to friendship.
My mother recites the story of Krishna -Sudama twice every week in the evenings.It is in line with our Vaishnava tradition.I have got so accustomed to it by now that I chip in if my mom forgets a word or two.Then the evening diya is lighted & prasad of poha,ghee & sugar or gur is offered.
It is sung in my mother tongue & though I would love to learn to recite it by heart,I am yet to learn reading & writing in my mother tongue.I want to be able to recite it orally .I feel that the Krishna -Sudama tale is an enduring saga of friendship which is so very relevant to all times- an eternal story !
The helplessness of Sudama due to extreme poverty & his reluctance in asking his sakha ,Krishna for any redemption is something which moves one immensely.And Krishna being the God that he is- naughty & all knowing, grants his friend, what he was too shy to ask.Before that, he partakes the puffed rice so lovingly packed by Sudama's wife as a gift for Krishna.Though Krishna would love to eat all the poha ,Rukmini stops him after a while. Rukmini is after all Laxmi,the goddess of wealth.
I have perhaps so unconsciously absorbed this katha that my friends mean the world to me.In return,my chums have tolerated me with all my idiosyncrasies.I can recall that I told one of my friends that I wanted to see a Dev Anand flick & she just got a video for me & watched it with me though she had seen it earlier.Another time,I just mentioned that I wanted to go to an exhibition & her response was ,"I will come with you."She is one of my soul sisters !
One of my sahelis would regularly look me up at the hospital wherein my dad had been admitted each night just to make sure ,I was fine.Though,she would get very late as she met me & I gossiped non-stop,not once did she complain nor give up on her care for me till my dad got discharged.Her attitude has floored me !
I have also forged some new friendships with parents of my daughter's friends as I have realized, that as parents, we are similarly placed.One of such friendships has enriched me so much that I feel blessed indeed. ! She is someone who read each & every blog post by me when I was new to the blogging world.She encouraged me & stood by me.I can always depend on her to get out of any depressing states, I am in ...any time nah,every time ! She is my happy go lucky soul sister !
Though, now, I am in my forties ,I feel, that I must meet my friends once in a while though, it has not been possible always because of so many reasons -partly domestic & the rest personal.As one of my friend keeps reminding us whenever she is in town,"Please do not tell about paucity of time.If you have the inclination to meet friends,you will take out time & meet them." As she rightly opines, all of us have only twenty four hours at our disposal- neither more nor less. I better heed her words & renew my vows of friendship.
This is my blog post entry for the #FriendshipDay in honour of my soul sister(s): A Women's Web contest with Zivame, India's largest online lingerie store!
It is sung in my mother tongue & though I would love to learn to recite it by heart,I am yet to learn reading & writing in my mother tongue.I want to be able to recite it orally .I feel that the Krishna -Sudama tale is an enduring saga of friendship which is so very relevant to all times- an eternal story !
The helplessness of Sudama due to extreme poverty & his reluctance in asking his sakha ,Krishna for any redemption is something which moves one immensely.And Krishna being the God that he is- naughty & all knowing, grants his friend, what he was too shy to ask.Before that, he partakes the puffed rice so lovingly packed by Sudama's wife as a gift for Krishna.Though Krishna would love to eat all the poha ,Rukmini stops him after a while. Rukmini is after all Laxmi,the goddess of wealth.
I have perhaps so unconsciously absorbed this katha that my friends mean the world to me.In return,my chums have tolerated me with all my idiosyncrasies.I can recall that I told one of my friends that I wanted to see a Dev Anand flick & she just got a video for me & watched it with me though she had seen it earlier.Another time,I just mentioned that I wanted to go to an exhibition & her response was ,"I will come with you."She is one of my soul sisters !
One of my sahelis would regularly look me up at the hospital wherein my dad had been admitted each night just to make sure ,I was fine.Though,she would get very late as she met me & I gossiped non-stop,not once did she complain nor give up on her care for me till my dad got discharged.Her attitude has floored me !
I have also forged some new friendships with parents of my daughter's friends as I have realized, that as parents, we are similarly placed.One of such friendships has enriched me so much that I feel blessed indeed. ! She is someone who read each & every blog post by me when I was new to the blogging world.She encouraged me & stood by me.I can always depend on her to get out of any depressing states, I am in ...any time nah,every time ! She is my happy go lucky soul sister !
Though, now, I am in my forties ,I feel, that I must meet my friends once in a while though, it has not been possible always because of so many reasons -partly domestic & the rest personal.As one of my friend keeps reminding us whenever she is in town,"Please do not tell about paucity of time.If you have the inclination to meet friends,you will take out time & meet them." As she rightly opines, all of us have only twenty four hours at our disposal- neither more nor less. I better heed her words & renew my vows of friendship.
This is my blog post entry for the #FriendshipDay in honour of my soul sister(s): A Women's Web contest with Zivame, India's largest online lingerie store!
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