Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Prem Ya Niyojit vivaah ?

I am impressed with the new show, which premiered  on Sony television last night  "Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage ? "  The start was good .The heroines are young & vivacious !

From ancient times,both marriages have existed.Witness Sri Krishna Rukmini vivaah ,wherein Rukmini is abducted by Krishna as she sends an SOS to the Lord.Similarly,Arjun Subhadra is a prem vivaah , which is then arranged by Krishna to suit all !.Draupadi marrying the Pandavas was  an arranged polygamus marriage. Ram Sita marriage can be classified as an arranged marriage though the moment, Sita & Ram set eyes on each other before the swayamvar,they are in love ! The wedding of Lakshman & Urmila & other siblings of Ram with the sisters of Sita can be termed arranged .Even Sati -Shiva is a love marriage.I better stop listing some more, before rightist groups ban this blog post !On second thoughts,I wish it is banned so that more people will come & read this blog post ,out of curiosity as to what led to the ban !

Love marriage is when two people ( let us assume that one is male & the other ,a female) meet & sparks fly .It could be that it is love at first sight,sound  or maybe if their vision,hearing  is lacking, after many sights & sounds ! Arranged marriage is fixed( so now we know, from where all match fixing ,tender fixing etc ideas originated ? ! ) by parents ,grandparents & all other relatives ( some of whom, one never knows existed ) taking into account caste,creed ,colour,status,wealth etal .

Sometimes parents are reluctant to accept their wannabe bahus & damaads in love marriages.This unwillingness is perhaps, more due to the fact, that  as parents,they have lost control over their offspring more  than anything else.Some parents accept choices made by their children willingly.Sometimes, the differences between parents & kids over life partner choices lead to bloodshed & grief.

Many times, it so happens, that the girl who married the boy out of love, transforms into a dear daughter for the parents -in -law.Ditto ,the son -in law becomes as dear as a son or perhaps dearer than the own offspring.In an arranged marriage ,sometimes things may go haywire & the bahu or damaad may not live up to expectations & cause untold grief to the parents - in law.This does not mean that parents are not hurt.Some can  cause equal amount of misery to all - they believe in equal distribution of grief amongst all.They make  sure, that the grief adds up .

I have known many  love marriages & one of them is most touching ! The man is from one community & the girl from another.Both speak a different language.They fell in love at work & got married.She was highly educated & higher in designation.Post wedding ,she encouraged & guided him towards higher learning which made him climb up the corporate ladder  She was a doting wife,mother & daughter in law.Then tragedy struck & she met with y an accident which has maimed her  for  life .She is  bedridden .The hubby continues to work & care for her even   a decade, after her accident.Her inlaws are supporting the son in his seva. She has improved somewhat , though she is still  bedridden.Her children are growing up.He goes far & near  to get his wife treated so that she may recover .Life continues in  the hope, that she will get up & walk one day, as she did  before  !

Mine is an arranged marriage.My hubby is overflowing with flaws though under my able  supervision & guidance, he is improving slowly but surely .I continue with this partnership, because, I believe, that one has to be in the system, to fight the system ! I had to leave a  cushy job to be a home maker .My hubby has understood that I am very  unhappy & keeps telling me to learn some course.I have told him that I will not go for any new studies as I want to corner him & let him understand that I am being the least expensive partner he could get ! I leave no opportunity to remind  him, that I am so reasonable that he has got the best deal in marriage. He being very ritualistic is always there by my side in poojas, social functions,etal  as he firmly believes that after marraige ,hubby & wife are one entity .Hence pooja ,any other ritual is incomplete if done by only husband or the wife.So ,I know ,he needs me more than I need him ! My hubby's glasses  have distorted his vision so much so that for him ,my virtues have turned into flaws.I soon want to go & return the said pair of glasses .This is because, I completely agree with what a wife said while  she returned her hubby's glasses to the optician"These glasses are useless..He still cannot see things my way ."  I am tolerating  this arrangement, as my hubby will experience withdrawal symptoms if I am not there there to nag him.

There is love in arranged marriage & arrangement in love marriage.All marriages are therefore hybrid in nature - arranged in  love and or love that is arranged.

Moreover as one wag put it ,in all vivaahs,women pray for  the same hubby in seven births because they hope fervently, that by the seventh birth ,the hubby would have finally got civilised ( moulded as per order ) ! Obviously ,it is too much to expect the woman to waste her time & energy in improving a new man in each birth !

In the end, love as also arranged marriage-  both work, because of the magnanimity of women,who overlook all the flaws in their partners as they want stability.If marriages fail -love as also arranged,the failure is due  to men who have an inborn ,inherent  & innate tendency to  flirt.As some one  rightly shared on a social network ,when women close their eyes ,they see the love of their life & when men close their eyes,a slide show begins !

This blog post is my entry for the IndiBlogger-Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage contest.Please comment ,rate & share this blog post if you liked it.


JANU said...

Nice perspective.

vasu said...

Thank u ,Janaki.

Purba said...

Once you get married, it ceases to matter whether it was arranged or love. All that matters is how much you are willing to give up to make it work :-)

vasu said...

Purba,you have put it rightly.

Anupama K. Mazumder said...

Whichever way it happens, it is marriage afterall.:)

vasu said...

That's right ,Anupama.

Saurabh Chawla said...

nice post :) here check out this one whenever you get time :) all the best for contest!


vasu said...

Thanks,Saurabh.I read your blog post - it is superb !

medha said...

Interesting perspective.
Husband an wife are liken to front 2 wheels of a car , which move together in the same direction but are separate,the other members form the rest of the wheels
So inspite of being"different"and accepting each other's shortcomings they have to synchronise to achieve progress.

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