Monday, April 19, 2010


Why is it, that we often pretend that all is well ,when it isn't ? This is specially so ,  in personal  life.A family will like to show that all the members are coexisting with gay ( ? ! ) abandon though not one minute passes without an argument .We all pretend to be what we are not.We parade ourselves in front of others individually as also collectively, as if, we are  the best family & we have happiness that brimmeth over, but nothing could be further from the truth.

I have observed people who would like to call friends & relatives to their homes just to parade the supposed happy times their family is enjoying.The invitation to others is to arouse jealousy .It is  also to remind them that because of wrong values,the others are not happy as a family.At all such times,the family members put on their masks & try to behave well. But as soon as the guests depart,the masks go off & the fights begin !

This all happens because someone in the family tries to control how other members ought to behave not just socially but also in other spheres of life.The ladies in the house will be told to give up jobs as they are the caregivers .If sons are settled in a different location -abroad or at another inland location,they will be recalled back.Even son -inlaws will be recalled back.The protests will all be silenced by emotional blackmail.

Then,the word will be spread around that though that lady had a cushy job ( meaning ,she was relaxing on the job,that is) ,she left it on her own ! The NRI guy also opted for a job in this small town as he doesn;t care a damn about money or the big bad city.He was pining for home & so with  the first offer,  he landed ,he returned.About small things like NRI guy or the city person coping with small town attitudes at work & otherwise & the ladies getting bored at home,the karta is least  bothered.

This recalling is advertised to all amongst friends & relatives in order to exhibit the power of the karta.This is only a pointer that the karta is running the family with an iron hand .Moreover people are invited to have a dekko at the whole family in flesh & blood to understand what a happy family means & perhaps, looks like.

Sometimes,the karta is able to remote control the members of the household.Like the karta will be advising that a job had to be done in one particular way only & if the member strays from that ,then all hell breaks loose even if it is equally effective & equally ethical.The member have no privacy & hence the whole family goes together to shopping,travelling ,etal.But sometimes, the oldest couple in the family will masquerade as a newly wed couple & go for walks,cinemas,theatre etc.Agreed, that as they couldn't do it in those earlier days,does not mean that they have to make up for all that now.Moreover,if they have no respect for solitude of  couples  in the family,are they not forgetting something ?

The karta will also try to drag his partner as a tag all around.Hence if the woman refuses,there is a backlash.The younger unemployed women at home are blamed as they are idling away whilst the oldest woman is so busy slogging that she is unable to accompany the karta.So the anger of the karta is not that his wife is working but because her exhaustion leaves her no time to accompany the dictator.If she would be besides him on all his jaunts with his retired cronies,he is not one bit affected by her tiredness.

But all the tension & the feud arises because of the stiff attitude of the karta.All this leads to hatred & bitter feelings which would have never happened if things were not forced down the throats of all .But ,some never want to admit that they can  commit wrongs like fellow humans .So,the saga continues with things reaching to such a situation, that members stay together but the invisble walls amongst them getting stronger by the day.

So,it is better to listen to all before coercing others to fall in line with one's outdated thoughts.Otherwise,we will only get regret & hatred in return.


Secured People to People lending - P2P Lending said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Secured People to People lending - P2P Lending said...

Karta of a Hindu Family generally takes a quasi-king type of powers! But this is only to bring about an overall discipline and a general harmony and togetherness in the family.
However in today's times it is not feasible to have all family members living together due to various reasons and more so because "members" are not very tolerant and large hearted as they used to be!!!No body wants to adjust or give up for another. What it means is that families of today are happier being within their own small circle read nuclear family - wife husband and kids.
So what is the role of a karta then? Follow the typical hindu way of life- after grihastashram - vanprastha and then sanyas - that does not mean going to the jungle!! but to detach from all -wife,kids, relatives , own vanity etc and to just accept the situation without trying to change anything.
But we never follow everything to the T ,we do what is convenient and that only brings about "screen saver situations" Really liked the caption u coined!!!

Aarti said...

I like the headline.
My own view is what has already been voiced in the previous comment: the generation older to us is not as self-effacing as their own parents used to be. Our parents' generation is in fact more demanding than today's youth, want to live life to hilt -- nothing wrong with that -- but then give up the notion of having lived ur whole life for your children's sake.

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