Why is it, that we often pretend that all is well ,when it isn't ? This is specially so , in personal life.A family will like to show that all the members are coexisting with gay ( ? ! ) abandon though not one minute passes without an argument .We all pretend to be what we are not.We parade ourselves in front of others individually as also collectively, as if, we are the best family & we have happiness that brimmeth over, but nothing could be further from the truth.
I have observed people who would like to call friends & relatives to their homes just to parade the supposed happy times their family is enjoying.The invitation to others is to arouse jealousy .It is also to remind them that because of wrong values,the others are not happy as a family.At all such times,the family members put on their masks & try to behave well. But as soon as the guests depart,the masks go off & the fights begin !
This all happens because someone in the family tries to control how other members ought to behave not just socially but also in other spheres of life.The ladies in the house will be told to give up jobs as they are the caregivers .If sons are settled in a different location -abroad or at another inland location,they will be recalled back.Even son -inlaws will be recalled back.The protests will all be silenced by emotional blackmail.
Then,the word will be spread around that though that lady had a cushy job ( meaning ,she was relaxing on the job,that is) ,she left it on her own ! The NRI guy also opted for a job in this small town as he doesn;t care a damn about money or the big bad city.He was pining for home & so with the first offer, he landed ,he returned.About small things like NRI guy or the city person coping with small town attitudes at work & otherwise & the ladies getting bored at home,the karta is least bothered.
This recalling is advertised to all amongst friends & relatives in order to exhibit the power of the karta.This is only a pointer that the karta is running the family with an iron hand .Moreover people are invited to have a dekko at the whole family in flesh & blood to understand what a happy family means & perhaps, looks like.
Sometimes,the karta is able to remote control the members of the household.Like the karta will be advising that a job had to be done in one particular way only & if the member strays from that ,then all hell breaks loose even if it is equally effective & equally ethical.The member have no privacy & hence the whole family goes together to shopping,travelling ,etal.But sometimes, the oldest couple in the family will masquerade as a newly wed couple & go for walks,cinemas,theatre etc.Agreed, that as they couldn't do it in those earlier days,does not mean that they have to make up for all that now.Moreover,if they have no respect for solitude of couples in the family,are they not forgetting something ?
The karta will also try to drag his partner as a tag all around.Hence if the woman refuses,there is a backlash.The younger unemployed women at home are blamed as they are idling away whilst the oldest woman is so busy slogging that she is unable to accompany the karta.So the anger of the karta is not that his wife is working but because her exhaustion leaves her no time to accompany the dictator.If she would be besides him on all his jaunts with his retired cronies,he is not one bit affected by her tiredness.
But all the tension & the feud arises because of the stiff attitude of the karta.All this leads to hatred & bitter feelings which would have never happened if things were not forced down the throats of all .But ,some never want to admit that they can commit wrongs like fellow humans .So,the saga continues with things reaching to such a situation, that members stay together but the invisble walls amongst them getting stronger by the day.
So,it is better to listen to all before coercing others to fall in line with one's outdated thoughts.Otherwise,we will only get regret & hatred in return.