The family of the patient.

My padosan always hides any sickness in her family from prying eyes.No,there is no noble purpose like containing infection,etc  behind this.She has pure  selfish motives in mind.She argues that if people come to know that someone is sick,the world comes visiting  & the woman of the house has to serve guests more than  the patient.

As my parents got older & started suffering from ailments in succession,I realised that my neighbour  is right.When people arrive to enquire about the well being of the patient,the family  gets impatient.The family members have to make small talk with the guest/s .serve tea & if the guest lingers even later, offer snacks,lunch,dinner ,etal.Some people  are so concerned about the sick that they descend into the household from various towns  & then the family has to tolerate the patient as also the guest.Perhaps they want to make sure that TLC ( tender loving care ) is being dispensed  to the patient.  In some instances,the family members may be unable to distinguish the guest from the patient.Even the guest will fail to recognise the sick.This is so, as the family will have already gone berserk in seva shushrusha of the patient & the sight of the guest will drive them bonkers !

There is this senior citizen who will keep enquiring about my dad's whereabouts when my dad goes out of town.I have still to figure out why he does not ask my dad when he is in town instead of asking me.His enquiries begin the moment, my dad goes out of station.I dread meeting the senior citizen as I have to grin & pretend in a very civil fashion.Recently,while my dad was recuperating in a nursing home,he visited the nursing home & as visiting hours were over,I had to bear the brunt of his gibberish talk.Thank God,he didn't arrive home to check up on my dad's health ! 

Some friends & relatives will enquire on phone about the well being of the patient.This is fine, but becomes an ordeal when this enquiry begins to resemble hourly updates.The concerned public demands a pleathora of answers  about the doctors' opinion,the nurse's opinion,the consultant's opinion, the second opinion,the patients condition & so on & so forth.But they omit  to ask the opinion of  the person at the other end of the phone -for obvious reasons ! Actually, the family starts having second thoughts that they have erred in taking care of the sick.Some members may even feel like outsourcing the well being of the patient to the ever inquisitive relative,friend,etc as they seem to be doing a good job of it on the phone.The conclusion is they will fare excellently in person, in the task of taking care of the patient.

The guests & well wishers of the patient forget that in these booming economic times,when costs of  groceries are breaking through the roof,the family is burdened with caring for the guest after paying the gigantic hospital bills.It is a double jeopardy for the family !The well wishers of the patient are therefore  the unwell wishers of the family.So,next time,anyone of your near or dear ones fall sick,please show some patience yourself, lest you make  other family members ill !

Screensaver.

Why is it, that we often pretend that all is well ,when it isn't ? This is specially so ,  in personal  life.A family will like to show that all the members are coexisting with gay ( ? ! ) abandon though not one minute passes without an argument .We all pretend to be what we are not.We parade ourselves in front of others individually as also collectively, as if, we are  the best family & we have happiness that brimmeth over, but nothing could be further from the truth.

I have observed people who would like to call friends & relatives to their homes just to parade the supposed happy times their family is enjoying.The invitation to others is to arouse jealousy .It is  also to remind them that because of wrong values,the others are not happy as a family.At all such times,the family members put on their masks & try to behave well. But as soon as the guests depart,the masks go off & the fights begin !


This all happens because someone in the family tries to control how other members ought to behave not just socially but also in other spheres of life.The ladies in the house will be told to give up jobs as they are the caregivers .If sons are settled in a different location -abroad or at another inland location,they will be recalled back.Even son -inlaws will be recalled back.The protests will all be silenced by emotional blackmail.

Then,the word will be spread around that though that lady had a cushy job ( meaning ,she was relaxing on the job,that is) ,she left it on her own ! The NRI guy also opted for a job in this small town as he doesn;t care a damn about money or the big bad city.He was pining for home & so with  the first offer,  he landed ,he returned.About small things like NRI guy or the city person coping with small town attitudes at work & otherwise & the ladies getting bored at home,the karta is least  bothered.

This recalling is advertised to all amongst friends & relatives in order to exhibit the power of the karta.This is only a pointer that the karta is running the family with an iron hand .Moreover people are invited to have a dekko at the whole family in flesh & blood to understand what a happy family means & perhaps, looks like.

Sometimes,the karta is able to remote control the members of the household.Like the karta will be advising that a job had to be done in one particular way only & if the member strays from that ,then all hell breaks loose even if it is equally effective & equally ethical.The member have no privacy & hence the whole family goes together to shopping,travelling ,etal.But sometimes, the oldest couple in the family will masquerade as a newly wed couple & go for walks,cinemas,theatre etc.Agreed, that as they couldn't do it in those earlier days,does not mean that they have to make up for all that now.Moreover,if they have no respect for solitude of  couples  in the family,are they not forgetting something ?

The karta will also try to drag his partner as a tag all around.Hence if the woman refuses,there is a backlash.The younger unemployed women at home are blamed as they are idling away whilst the oldest woman is so busy slogging that she is unable to accompany the karta.So the anger of the karta is not that his wife is working but because her exhaustion leaves her no time to accompany the dictator.If she would be besides him on all his jaunts with his retired cronies,he is not one bit affected by her tiredness.

But all the tension & the feud arises because of the stiff attitude of the karta.All this leads to hatred & bitter feelings which would have never happened if things were not forced down the throats of all .But ,some never want to admit that they can  commit wrongs like fellow humans .So,the saga continues with things reaching to such a situation, that members stay together but the invisble walls amongst them getting stronger by the day.

So,it is better to listen to all before coercing others to fall in line with one's outdated thoughts.Otherwise,we will only get regret & hatred in return.